Some of you know that I went on vacation with my family over the holidays. Now, since I have about 45 followers, I consider myself a giant celebrity, so I was prepared for my photo to be taken in a foreign country by my fans. Here, I show you how to keep it real on the beach.
1. Find the nearest pregnant woman, and pose beside her. Cue arm pose, and purse lips.
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| If no pregnant woman is available, force a stranger to shove a basketball up their onesie. |
2. Only pose for photos in which you will receive an appearance fee.
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| That's right. |
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| They gave us free drinks for this! It was like magic- we just went up to the bar, and ordered drinks. Totally hot star. |
3. When posing in a bathing suit, pretend this baby is your child.
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| This child's thinking, "help me!" |
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| I found her again! Perfect timing. |
4. Work out on vacation.
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| Make sure you pose for the before photo... |
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| And, the after. Even though this was mere minutes later, it makes you look hardcore. |
5. Find your nearest hammock. It doubles as a cover up.
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| This poor child. |
6. Do tequila shots. You won't give a @$#! what anyone thinks of you.
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| For example, I didn't notice at the time how proud Carter was of me. |
7. Wear a ridiculously large hat to draw people's attention up.
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| Huge hat, low shirt. All I care about is more food to my right. |
There you have it, friends.
And just when you think you couldn't handle a week's vacation away with your family, here's our family Christmas photo:
You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure I covered all of the important ones, but what are your tips to stay hot and sexy on the beach?
